Sadie Baldock

( They say I get away with murder )

To be added to slowly

( Sadie's Playlist )

And those pretending to be blind will lead those willing to be blind.

[Private]
This is moronic. It is not that I agree with either side, nor do I intend to fight for either side, but the side they expect me to fight for given my House is stupid. I think my mind revolts against fighting for idiots.

I suppose this is as good as saying I am supporting a side, though. More like independent thought. We are Slytherins. We shouldn't be such eager followers...especially of morons.

[Warded to Slytherin girls]
Are boys always this infuriating? This stupid Gryffindor kept bothering me at the dance. I didn't even want to be there! I was trying to talk to people and I told him I'd talk to Crabbe and Gregory if he didn't go away, but then he said that no one could keep him from a pretty girl. He is the most infuriating person to ever exist!

I'm so glad to be home.

[Warded to Gregory]
If you see Geoffrey Hooper bothering me again, will you just punch him in the face?

If I read another word about these stupid fliers, I swear I'm going to put them in a container and set them on fire. For Merlin's sake

I'm ready for the weekend.

[Private]
All of this is absolutely ridiculous. Not that I don't expect to find myself pressed into that corner any day now. I swear I will set them all on fire if they try to force me into anything. I'm not fighting for any cause but my own. This one isn't worth the effort on my part.

I haven't heard from Father in a while. It's not really a bothersome thing. All these emotional outbursts are making me crazy.

[Warded to Diane]
Please tell me we can have an evening that involves conversation not based on everything happening around the castle. At this point I'd rather read romance novels for the rest of my life than have to listen to this drivel...

[Warded to Diane]
As droll as this will likely sound, you should come with me to the library. I can't be in the common room a moment longer

Sorry for leaving without warning yesterday...

[Private]
Maybe if I don't acknowledge it as an issue no one else will either.

Sometimes I swear I am surrounded by morons. I'm about to start making a list

[Private]
1. Theodore Nott: Really...who writes about Crucio where people can see it?
2. Crabbe: This is self-explanatory.
3. Greg: Once again...self-explanatory. Even if he is my cousin.
4. Draco Malfoy: He just fucking is
I'll add more as I think of them

Nothing has settled down...and I may have abruptly left the table at least three times this week. It is clear that something is wrong, I think. Please let no one try to talk to me about it. I can make something up. I'm sure of it. Yes. Clearly. Make something up.

[Warded to Slytherin Girls]
Is it just me or does this whole school feel like it is set on the loudest volume setting? I don't trust- Does anyone-

I've been thinking about spending a bit of time in the library. It's not that much quieter there, but at least I can do homework Does anyone want to join me?

[Warded to Sebastian Daley]
Thank you for the distraction. Perhaps we can do something like that again sometime. It was nice not to feel like I had to feel anything for a while

[Private]
I could sleep forever and still be exhausted. I hate emotions.

Somehow I'm starting to believe being outside may actually be better than being inside. I can't stand it in here. I think I'm going to go insane Maybe I am- No.

[Hexed extremely private]
They're smothering me.

Fuck.

Thank Merlin for the library and anywhere that isn't populated with other people. I don't think I can stand it any longer. Everyone is an emotional mess. What is wrong with them? Can't they keep it together? People die all the fucking time. Salazar knows they do.

So the Ministry's been taken over and we might all end up under the control of a mad man with horrible ideas about how to summon his minions. It's not my fault no one seems to realise how stupid this is. A mark on your arm. Talk about easy to notice. Fucking stupid. Then again, it's not like the other side is any better. Fucking emotional messes the lot of them. I don't give a- I don't need love and friendship. I don't need their stupid emotions.

They just-

Keep it together. Emotions aren't going to help. Just hinder everything.

They should be outlawed...or at least controlled.

Make it go away

[Warded extremely private]
I don't believe her. I don't believe them. The Ministry is known to lie to its public. I can't be the only one who remembers when they told us that Voldemort wasn't back? Turns out he was. Dumbledore, little as I like the man, wasn't lying then, so who's to say he's lying now?

Needless to say, I wish everyone would stop with their emotions. I don't want to deal with it. I don't want to see it or read it or hear it or feel it. I just want it to all go away.

[Warded extremely private to Alexander Greengrass III]
Your sister said you confirmed there was an attack at the Ministry. Astoria, I mean. Was she telling the truth?

Professor Dumbledore told us there was an attack. They are trying to convince us that he was just being a senile old man and making up fantastical stories.

I wanted to be sure before I continued to believe his words.

It would appear I am going to the ball after all. I suppose that means enduring the presence of quite a lot of people at once. I will have to prepare for this. Someone save me. I wasn't sure about a costume until and idea came to me. Hopefully no one else will think of the same idea. I've sent an owl to Father to have what I need sent to me. I also detailed to him my concerns about that stupid bint that he's been seeing. I expect her to be gone by the time I go home for Christmas

[Private]
The things I do for people. Clearly I am too nice. Spending a night out with far too many people with minimal control over how much emotional investment they will expect.

No. No. This is fine. I will be fine Yes. Perfectly fine. I am in control of how much I give to them and they cannot expect more. It is their own fault if they are bothered by it.

I feel as if the library ate me. I need something unrelated to school to occupy my mind.

[Hexed extra private]
I've taken to hiding. So far I am safe. I hope I maintain safety. Salazar save me otherwise. I really don't wish to be around anyone, but I fear if I start to avoid everyone for too long, that will appear suspicious.

[Hexed extremely private]
Well, that lasted incredibly long. I know I didn't give anything away. Men. You can't trust them with things that take sense and quiet.

I will just keep up this lack of knowledge. There's no point in responding to the journal. There's no point in acknowledging any of this. It isn't as if any relationships I have here are based on any truth, anyway. They started with a lie and perhaps they'll end with one as well...to keep up the symmetry.

Cool, calm, collected. It's easy enough. I burned the letter attached already...and the candy is in my trunk...I'll just disguise it to be safe.

Now to go to the library.

[Warded to Slytherin Students]
I have a lot of- I don't really want to deal with any of you Why are there so many of you?

I find myself in possession of lot of sweets. I don't think I can eat all of it on my own. Does anyone want some?

[Warded Private]
Everything is perfectly fine. No one will linger and talk for long periods of time. They will get the sweets and leave. It will be fine.

I am in control of the situation.

At least I don't have to go outside today...

( Warded to Alexander Greengrass III )

( Private to Self )

Someone kill me

I wish I had something interesting to report, but I am afraid I haven't. I have been too busy studying. I hear, however, that I should have faith in the Slytherin Quidditch team this year.

( Private to Self )

( Private to Alexander Greengrass III )

There is an unattended book in the common room. Has anyone found themselves missing a book?

[Private]
Erect Moon? What kind of a title- You know what? I don't even want to know. I am sure it will make my brain hurt.

I swear to Salazar I have to wonder about these people. Why does this even matter? At least being made aware of the owner will tell me a little something about whoever they are.

[Private]
These journals hurt my brain. Half of these people talk about the most useless things. What good is it to have an easy way to spy on the actions and words of others if they aren't saying anything of interest?

Also...If I read the word 'Pookie' one more time, I may actually be coaxed into vomiting. So far the only thing I have learned in regards to love is that it makes people behave like morons. Love is overrated as it is. Find something new to talk about!

Even Father's realised that, I believe.
[/P]

I am glad the wait for classes is finally over. Now I can start to work on getting the best grades getting into the flow of school again.

( Private )

( Private to Greg Goyle )

( Private )

( Private to Astoria Greengrass )

I want it to be time for school. Home is insufferable

Truthfully, I find myself feeling a bit contemplative these days. So many things to consider and think about. I believe I may need to be reintroduced to the outside world before the weekend is over.

[Hexed Private]
There are certainly quite a lot of curious people in these journals writing a lot of curious things. I do not believe I understand all of them, and this is perhaps due to a desire to keep others from understanding on their part. I do not like the way this feels, if we can say it is at all a feeling. Does a stream of constant annoyance count?

And yet, I come back almost always to the subject of my father's choices. His choices to pick various morons that wish to tell me what it is I must do. What it is I must do is none of her business. I dislike being told what to do when the logic is flawed.

[/end private]

My my but people write a lot in these things. I feel as if I might spend all day trying to catch up on things.

I think I may actually be down to only one more essay. I'm almost certain they are perfect I'm pleased with most of them.

There's a woman at my house that wants to be killed. If someone would kindly help me with the body, I might be swayed into action

I feel like I've been writing essays all summer. Much as I enjoy my schooling, I wish it did not involve so much writing and my favourite outfit getting covered in ink. I had to wait for Father to get home to fix it. I wasn't about to ask that unseemly woman my father is seeing at any rate

[Tabby and Astoria]
My father's new female interest has informed me that I should spend less time worrying about my grades and more time worrying about marrying an acceptable boy. I kindly informed her that I was merely fifteen, but I would take it into consideration.

Surely at fifteen I needn't give up intellect for marriage. I can't go on in life being an utter moron.

I don't want to marry some moronic boy and have babies and be forever boring

Of course, she also informed me that there was an octopus in the lake at Hogwarts and Fauns in the forest. I'm almost certain she meant a squid and Centaurs, but I am withholding my judgment on her intelligence at present. Perhaps she will shock me with some sudden bout of intelligent discussion.

[Private]
To Do List:

-Get rid of Father's new lady friend immediately
-Find a way to have her killed quietly
-Think of a way to keep Father from dating entirely. Preferrably not the plans that end in death, as I am too young to live alone and do not wish to be forced to live with other family memebers.
-Finish these essays
-Borrow Father's wand to do some magic
-See about reading some sane books before subjecting myself to Astoria's romance novels
-Find ways to cause Father's lady friend immense bouts of confusion before ultimately getting rid of her.

What interesting little things these journals have turned out to be. People can express their opinions so openly. Especially the morons. How quaint

I do wonder what new and exciting things I shall learn about people.

[Private]
Are these people utterly stupid? Voicing anti-Muggle- I already know the answer, which is really sad. Honestly, what do they expect to gain from making people dislike them? They could easily get information and whatever else they want from them if they would just be polite.

I can easily say it will be difficult to change the actions of those that I do not know and who are older than I am, but perhaps I can make sure my dormmates are aware.